How often have you spent money not because you actually needed something, but because it seemed like the right thing to do?
How many times have you made repeated purchases that were difficult to control in order to relieve tension or emotional distress, and continued doing so despite negative consequences for your finances and relationships?
Compulsive shopping is a behavioral pattern characterized by recurring, difficult-to-control purchases that continue despite negative consequences, which can leave people feeling guilty. Prevalence estimates in the general population are around 5%, with considerable variation depending on the tools and samples used (approximately 1–6%+) according to research by UnoBravo.
These are financial decisions driven by an uncontrollable desire.
Sometimes, however, we spend money to avoid social discomfort, to feel accepted, or to avoid disappointing other people’s expectations. In these cases, we allow money to define our value and shape the image we project to others.
In either case, these are risky behaviors because they lead us to manage money not according to our needs, but to use it to seek reassurance – from ourselves or from others – or to feel that we measure up. Sometimes, we only realize too late that we do not have enough money to pay off debts, pay taxes, or purchase something that is actually useful for ourselves or our home.
When spending becomes a way to say “yes”
Our financial decisions are rarely completely rational.
According to Nobel Prize winner Richard Thaler, one of the pioneers of behavioral economics, people make decisions under the influence of emotions, social norms, and context much more often than they realize. Money, therefore, is not only used to purchase goods, but also to gain approval, a sense of belonging, or emotional reassurance.
Saying “yes” to a purchase may seem like the easiest choice in the moment, but it is not always the one that best aligns with our financial goals.
The weight of social expectations
There is a form of pressure that we only occasionally recognize: the pressure that pushes us to maintain a certain lifestyle, whether real or perceived. Social media amplifies this phenomenon.
We see friends traveling, increasingly elaborate birthday celebrations, aperitifs, experiences, and purchases presented as though they were the norm. As a result, saying “no” can make us feel out of place.
A study by Park, Ward, and Naragon-Gainey (2017) suggests that people who tie their self-worth to financial success are more vulnerable to social comparison and experience higher levels of anxiety, stress, and dissatisfaction when they perceive themselves as having less than others.
In other words, when money becomes a measure of self-esteem, every purchase risks becoming a way to protect our image or our peace of mind rather than to meet a genuine need.
The other side of the coin: being overly frugal
Alongside those who overspend to feel better or to be liked, there are people who simply cannot bring themselves to part with their money.
Being overly frugal has nothing to do with socioeconomic status. Naturally, everyone can, or rather, should spend according to their means and in line with their needs.
Here, however, we are referring instead to a psychological profile. People who are excessively stingy, due to their developmental experiences or the environment in which they grew up, are fundamentally anxious and controlling.
The need to keep everything under control in order to ease their inner anxieties and worries leads them to overthink every small expense, make considerable efforts to monitor every outgoing payment, and impose significant restrictions on themselves, even when this is not materially necessary.
Our relationship with money as a reflection of our lives
When our relationship with money reaches the opposite extremes of stinginess and overspending, affecting our thoughts, behavior, and emotional life, it can be a sign of an underlying imbalance that is often underestimated and left unaddressed, despite the potentially serious consequences for people’s lives.
For someone who is excessively stingy, parting with their money or possessions can trigger an overwhelming sense of loss of power and control, making them feel fragile, defenseless, and exposed to life’s uncertainties.
The small expenses that don’t seem like choices
Between impulsive spending and refusing to spend altogether lies another less rational way of using money: emotional spending. These are rarely major purchases; rather, they tend to be a series of small “yeses.”
- A last-minute weekend getaway to cheer yourself up.
- A pair of shoes you will never wear.
- An outfit you might wear only once.
- Yet another T-shirt with an unlikely print or slogan.
Individually, these expenses seem insignificant. Added up over the course of a year, however, they can amount to hundreds of dollars.
The problem is not so much the spending itself, but the fact that it is not really a choice.
The hidden cost of people pleasing
Psychologists use the term people pleasing to describe the tendency to please others by changing the way we present ourselves in order to avoid conflict or gain approval.
When this attitude affects our financial decisions, it can become more difficult to turn down expenses or requests that are incompatible with our budget.
According to the Mayo Clinic, developing assertive communication skills and learning to say “no” when necessary can help reduce stress, respect our own limits, and avoid taking on more commitments than we can manage.
Knowing when to say no or yes is also a financial skill
Financial education is not just about understanding investments, mortgages, or interest rates; it should also teach us to use money consciously and in line with our values and actual needs.
Saying “I can’t” or “I’d rather not” does not mean being stingy. Sometimes, it simply means keeping our finances under control when they are already stretched.
At the same time, however, being attentive to the difficulties faced by those around us, when we are in a position to help, does not mean wasting money. It can be more rewarding and more useful than making a superfluous purchase on the spur of the moment and then quickly forgetting about it.
Creating a budget means precisely this: deciding in advance which expenses are genuinely worth our money and learning to manage, with moderation and awareness, spending that falls outside our financial plan.
How to recognize emotional spending
While overcoming compulsive overspending or extreme stinginess may require professional help, we can learn to keep emotional spending under control on our own. Before making a purchase, it can be useful to pause for a few seconds and ask ourselves:
- Would I still buy this if nobody knew about it?
- Am I spending this money for myself, or because I don’t want to disappoint someone else?
- What would happen if I said no?
- Does this expense bring me closer to or further away from my goals?
Often, this simple pause is enough to distinguish an authentic desire from external pressure.
Spending mindfully means making choices
Being generous, contributing to a gift, or treating someone to dinner are not negative behaviors. On the contrary, sharing experiences with people we care about can be one of the best ways to spend our money. Those who are in a position to be generous can do a great deal of good by giving to people in need. And someone who does not do so is not necessarily stingy: they may simply be experiencing financial difficulties and prefer not to admit it.
The point is something else: to do it because we genuinely want to, not because we feel obligated.
Impulsive and emotional spending can be difficult to recognize because it may feel inevitable. In reality, it is one of the areas in which we can exercise greater freedom. Because true luxury is not always being able to say “yes.” It is knowing how to say “no” when a choice does not reflect our priorities.
Discover more content on the psychology of money, financial education, and mindful spending on the Museum of Saving blog. Through articles, workshops, and events, we help young people, families, and schools develop a more conscious relationship with money. To learn more, visit www.museodelrisparmio.it.
July 22, 2026